Another page from the journal of a teenage girl, homeless, struggling to survive on the streets. ~ I hate myself more and more as each day passes. And as each day, I find myself living a life I despise. God help me, and Danny? he’s gone now and I have no one who really cares.
Abandoned house for shelter
I was really surprised when Rico handed me the bag of dope he’d taken my hit out of. It was good stuff, it was my payment and it was quite an expensive payment. He handed me at least a an eighth. It would keep me going for awhile, I could even sell a few hits to get some money instead of panhandling.
I was walking through Kensington Market looking through the clothes racks out in front of the Vintage Clothing Store. I needed to get some clothes, all my stuff was getting ratty looking from sleeping in them all the time.
It was while walking through the narrow, tree lined streets that I saw it, an old house!
It was boarded up and really rundown looking but it was empty! and it was downtown so I could walk to it instead of going out to Runnymede by subway or hitching a ride. I walked past it looking for a doorway that wasn’t boarded up or a window. I decided to take a walk around the back and have a closer look.
There was a chain link fence surrounding the property, probably to keep it from getting burned down, or to keep people like me out! I walked around to the backyard and noticed a part of the fence had been lifted from underneath, someone had dug out the ground like a dog, so they could crawl under the fence! I turned around and walked back to the sidewalk. I would come back later when it was almost dark.
I was really hopeful that this could be the house I could stay in when it started getting cold. I didn’t feel safe at the Runnymede place anymore alone, and since I was alone now again, I needed a safe place, off the streets, where no one knew where I was. Tracy was probably looking for me, since I knocked her out after she attacked me! Leanne wanted me dead! why else would she have me drugged and taken down to an old, abandoned, subway tunnel, and then there was Tony… he thought I still had his coke!
I just didn’t feel safe knowing that all these people wanted to hurt me or do away with me.
I walked over to a cafe and sat outside on the patio, I ordered an expresso. Rico never took any of the money I had made, so it felt good too not worry about that, for a little while anyways.
It was getting dark soon, almost 9:30 being summer it stayed light longer than in the winter. Most people were either inside or on their front porch on a summer evening. I walked to the back of the house and crawled under the fence pulling my backpack under behind me. I walked to the back of the house making sure no one was watching me.
I found an entrance way through a window, the board that was nailed to the frame had come loose. The nails had gone rusty and so half the board had fallen off, hanging on an angle. No one noticed because it was a window which didn’t face the back of the property, it was off to the side, on an old addition to the house.
I took one more look around and then, I forced the window up and crawled inside. Once I was inside that room, I stood there for a moment. The smell of must and dust particles floating around me, and in the dimness and shadow, I could not believe what I saw!
Copyright ©2009 The Lost Journal/
Written by Sandra lynn
All pictures displayed herein, courtesy of Google Images.
Filed under: Diary, Journal, My Life, Women, Writing, humanity, random, society | Tagged: abandoned, addiction, alone, homeless, shelter, street-life, teens
