Watched Abuse in Hospital

I am haunted by an image, sadly it has been 7 years since I witnessed the incident I am about to relay to you, gentle reader. Seven long years since I was in hospital very ill with cellulose’s, laying on a gurney in the emergency departments’ hallway, as it was crowded to over capacity that evening, and beds were in short supply! 

I lay there in the alcove of a doorway leading to another part of the hospital,  hooked up to an intravenous drip, hours and hours I watched the ill, being lead by a nurse to an available examining room,  to await the attending to physician.  Some had family, some were alone, and there where also mothers with babes in arms, waiting for hours to be examined and treated accordingly.

Time drags on when your not feeling well and must wait, and I noticed as I lay there being pumped full of antibiotics,  a young mother and her infant child in the examination room, just across the hall from me.  She was maybe 25 years old at the most, and her baby was approximately 4 to 5 months old.  It was getting late maybe 10:30pm by now and the baby was starting to fuss a little, so the mother put him down on the bed and gave him a pacifier, and covered him with a blanket.  I lay watching from my alcove, she could not see me from the angle of the room, and if she could have,  she would not have done what I watched her do! 

The baby was doing well, considering that over an hour had passed by now; it was the mother who was becoming frustrated and angry at the situation.  The baby did not want to lie down anymore, so he spit his pacifier out and started kicking his feet, kicking the blanket off;  that’s when the mother became angry.  I watched stunned as she picked up the baby roughly and stuck the pacifier back in his mouth, she then wrapped the blanket around him so he could not move his arms and she held him very hard against her chest!  She then placed her hand at the back of his head and shoved his face into her chest, holding him there, she began moving side to side as if rocking him,  only very hard.  All this time, she was on guard to make sure no one was watching.  I saw the look on her face as she gritted here teeth, anger in her eyes and in the rocking motion she made.

To this day I cannot get it out of my head,  I then watched her put the baby back down on the bed and try to put the pacifier back in his mouth and cover him with his blanket.  This worked for only a minute or two and the restless baby again kicked off the blankets and began to cry.  This time the mother was very rough when picking him up and she did the same thing again holding his face hard against her chest almost as if to stop his breathing!  My heart was racing as I saw the anger on her face and she knew what she was doing as she looked to make sure no one was watching her.

She put the baby back down on the bed hard and shoved the pacifier in his mouth and that’s when the doctor came in!  Like Jekyll and Hyde she changed!  Her face relaxed instantly and she smiled as the doctor asked her about the baby.  She looked down at her baby as the doctor spoke about how beautiful he was, and asked about what her concerns were.  She smiled and nodded as he spoke and she seemed like the perfect, adoring, nurturing mother figure we all want to believe in.  I was stunned.

I lay there in my sickened state, weak and feeling even worse for that poor child.  He was going home with her, and I was a witness to her cruelty, her frustration and anger,  which she took out on her baby.

Or was she the nanny, the babysitter?  whoever she was, she should not be left in stressful situations with a baby to care for!  I cannot condone or make excuses for such behaviour,  if you are frustrated you do not take it out on a child or an innocent, defenseless,  baby! 

As the doctor did his examination on the baby and the mother looked on I wanted to yell across the hall,”I saw what you were doing!”  “I know what you did!”  I imagined her staring at me startled, blushing, mouth open ready to deny it all!  but…. I did not.

I did nothing!  I could not muster up the strength to call her on it,  to ask the doctor to “come over here for a moment”.  I am ashamed of myself for staying silent for letting my illness get the better of me.

I have nightmares about this, and I cannot forgive myself.   I pray that this was just an isolated incident;  that,  that womans’  behaviour was totally out of character and that the baby is now a happy, healthy little boy with a loving family.

I can dream can ‘t I?